The experiences of 10 spouses of people with dementia in long-term care were explored using semi-structured interviews. The data were analysed using interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) which resulted in four themes: ‘Identity: till death us do part’; ‘Making sense of change’; ‘Relationship with care provided: visiting as surveillance’; and ‘Relationship with the future: hope versus despair’. The findings highlighted the presence of conflicting feelings for the spouses, with positive feelings being voiced against a context of despair. Their perceptions of the care provided and the spousal relationship also highlighted the value of their views in supporting this group of people, improving dementia care and, hence, the importance of their involvement in implementing a ‘relationship-centred’ care approach.