Research with lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) older widows rarely focuses on familial relationships. Studies on heterosexual spousal bereavement indicate older widows face issues influencing identity but show resilience by maintaining close relationships with adult children and extended family. Though research with older LGB widows suggests similarities around loss and resilience, grief and family engagement are markedly different.
Guided by Relational Cultural Theory, which illuminates how LGB women cope through connection/disconnection, this qualitative descriptive study employed semi-structured, open-ended interviews with 16 LGB women, 60 to 85 years of age from across the United States who had lost a spouse or partner within the past five years. We conducted interviews regarding the perception of self as bereaved LGB women and sustained or altered relationships with biological and chosen families following the loss of their spouses/partners.
Findings are illustrated in three themes around acceptance, support, and identity. Participants: 1) experienced differing levels of acceptance, tolerance, and inclusion from biological families; 2) experienced family or friends “disappearing” or providing critical support following a spouse/partner death; 3) negotiated challenges by creating or seeking out families of choice, new communities, and a better understanding of themselves.
While LGB widows share some grief experiences with heterosexual widows, they also experience varying biological family acceptance and support as well as the need for friends and families of choice as advocates. It is important to recognize the unique consequences of spousal loss for this population and be cognizant of the differences in normative grief.