The refugee self-reliance agenda is marked by tensions and contradictions, echoing wider incoherence in the international refugee regime. We explore these through the philosophical concept of paradoxes. Paradoxes allow for multiple interests and narratives to be simultaneously ‘true’, leading to refugee policy outcomes that are often incoherent by omission instead of commission. To illustrate this, we draw on recent empirical studies to examine how increased access to digital technology can paradoxically lead to less access and agency in relation to health and financial services for refugees and less integration into host community life. We call these the paradox of information overload and the paradox of regulatory systems. We close with discussion of how paradoxes can a conceptual tool for policy makers and researchers to identify root causes of refugee policy incoherence, and how spaces of action can be created to ‘manage the paradox’.