Abstract
This article contributes to the attachment versus differentiation debate, bringing the conversation to parent–child relationships. While attachment theory’s (AT) approach emphasizes bonding, Bowen family systems theory’s (BFST) differentiation approach emphasizes emotional boundaries. They both suggest that balancing autonomy and connection is important, but AT conceptualizes this in terms of the parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs for autonomy and connection, while BFST conceptualizes this in terms of the parent’s and child’s ability to be connected due to mutual respect for each other’s emotional boundaries. They similarly recognize that: (1) emotionally mature parents respect children individuality, (2) emotionally immature parents may project their needs and wishes onto children, and (3) emotionally mature parents focus on calming themselves to help their children to be calm. They differ in that: (1) BFST suggests that children may project their needs and wishes onto their parents and intrude on their parents’ emotional boundaries, and AT does not conceptualize this; (2) BFST suggests that caregiver over-involvement may be experienced as positive for a child and program them to be excessively needy, and AT suggests that caregiver over-involvement is negative for children and neediness is caused by under-involved caregiving; and (3) BFST suggests that therapists should not try to be a parent to their clients as this can replicate the fusion that the client experienced with their parents, and AT suggests that therapists should try to be like a good parent to their clients to help them to develop more secure attachment styles.
Abstract
本文对情感依恋与个体分离两者之间的争论带来新的研究，并开启在亲子关系方面的对话。依恋理论(AT)的方法强调联结，Bowen鲍恩家庭系统理论(BFST)的区分方法强调情感边界。他们都认为，自主性和联结平衡好很重要，但AT的概念是父母满足孩子自主性和联结需求的能力，而BFST的概念是父母和孩子由于相互尊重彼此的情感边界而建立联系的能力。他们同样认识到:1) 情感成熟的父母尊重孩子的个体性；2) 情感不成熟的父母可能会把自己的需求和愿望投射到孩子身上，3) 情感成熟的父母专注于让自己平静下来，帮助孩子平静下来。它们的不同之处在于: 1) BFST表明，儿童可能会将他们的需求和愿望投射到父母身上，并侵入父母的情感边界，而AT没有将这此观点概念化；2) BFST认为看护者的过度投入可能会对儿童产生积极的体验，并将他们训练成为过度提需求；AT表明，看护者的过度投入对儿童是有消极作用的，而非常需要父母的状态则是由关注和照顾不足造成的；3) BFST建议治疗师不应该试图成为来访者的家长一样，因为这可能会复制来访者与他们的父母的融合关系，AT建议治疗师应该尝试像一个好父母一样帮助他们的来访者发展更安全的依恋方式方法。.