The Paradoxical Consequences of Interpersonal Goals: Relationships, Distress, and the Self

People often try to manage the impressions others have of them so others will have high regard for them. What are the consequences
of chronically having self-image goals in ongoing relationships? A program of research examining the effects of self-image
goals and contrasting them with compassionate goals focused on supporting others is described. Results from two longitudinal
studies indicated that self-image goals have negative effects on relationships, and paradoxically decrease the regard others
have for the self, self-esteem, and mental health. In contrast, compassionate goals focused on promoting the well-being of
others have positive effects on relationships, and paradoxically increase others’ regard, self-esteem and mental health. Discussion
considers why self-image goals persist if they have clear negative consequences, and why people do not shift to more constructive
compassionate goals in light of their benefits.