One reason that theories of mental illness have made little progress may be their focus on individuals, omitting the social/relational and emotional world. Adding these components will be difficult, however: in modern societies they have become virtually invisible, particularly the emotion of shame. The theory outlined here is based on the work of Cooley, Elias, Lewis and Goffman: shame is both social and individual and, if anticipation is included, virtually omnipresent in modern societies. It is proposed that most symptoms of mental illness are products of shame and relational feedback loops: emotion and alienation can both spiral leading to further alienation and chaotic or hidden emotions. Almost everyone is especially ashamed of their shame. Being ashamed of one’s shame and/or anger can spiral when not acknowledged. Under certain conditions, these spirals continue without limit, generating immense force for acting out symptoms or depression. To the extent that this theory is true, we would need to rename the field using non-medical terms, such as emotional/social dysfunction.